abbygubler:

itssexualhour:

My parents are both pastors and once I was fucking this one dude who’s dad was the pastor of the rival church and he whispered ‘talk biblical to me’ so i started reciting Psalms  23 and we ended up getting into a competition of who could recite the most bible versus before they cummed

the fuck kind of romeo and juliet is this 

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julianocasabranca:

FUN STORY: my grandma lives in a city that was currently taken over by drug dealers and gangs and it’s now divided in two and my grandma is the oNLY CITIZEN IN THE WHOLE CITY who can go walking freely through both sides of the town because she used to do community work and feed the poor kids and those gang members were all fed by her so they let her come and go as she wants SO WHAT WE LEARN TODAY IS TO BE FUCKING NICE TO KIDS BC U MIGHT BE DEALING W FUTURE GANG MEMBERS

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pizzahard:

me at a job interview: as you can see sir, my qualifications are highly extensive, I had earned myself a PHD

employer: it says here all you did was worked at pizza hut

me: yes sir that is correct, I had earned my living from Pizza Hut Delivery

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